how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
