fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
