Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
