Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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