can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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