you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
