beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
