i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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