She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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