Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
