He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
