butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
