I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
