how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
