cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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