How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
