im having a threesome with these popsicles
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
