My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
