I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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