made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
