there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
