everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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