I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
