The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
