It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
