I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
