watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
