Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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