you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
