Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
