now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
