Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize