By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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