I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize