i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
