I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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