I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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