is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
