I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
