HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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