Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
