Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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