I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
