Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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