something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
