he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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