I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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