i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
