in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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