I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
