I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize