did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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