Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
