this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
