I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
