i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
The adults are the big ones right?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
