There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
