I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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