ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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