so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I wish you could order shots online.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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