rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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