I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
