She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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