Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize