anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
