Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
