id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
