We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
