Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Come see our sink grown plant.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
